Y'see, now I'm just trying to impress all your exes. If they're not good enough for you, then by rational argument, they're good enough for me.
Seriously, though, when do I get to write stories for your website? People want to hear the shit I've got to say about chickens. I've worked out the rules for naming chickens. This is pretty critical shit.
And I'm not making some Blogger thingy for the government to track me. Oh no sir! I was thinking of writing stuff down on pieces of scrap paper I find around restaurants and sending them to you through the mail. Then you can play "editor" and transcribe my handwriting into computer text. Then you publish it BUT you have to say: "This was written by Stephen" - I will NOT tolerate theft of my intellectual property.
The first article is in the mail already. It is about chickens and the troubles of travelling northern Europe without valid identification. It's semi-autobiographically true. You'd like it.
Happy New Year, pork chop.
(But on a serious note: you can actually have guest bloggers? Should I make a blogger account so I can be your weekly Tuesday?)
Episode 1: Do Not Bend - the trials of irrelevant annoyances
Outline: it'll start off with a relatable rant about the petty annoyances that shit us as cynical people, and end in a philosophical proposition about the nature of people and challenge current sociological constructs. It'll end with a simple, yet provocative, question to open a dialogue of discussion and/or healthy argument.
Never again will you be on the Top 100 for fuckin' golf. People will actually care (thanks to me)!
You can make a blogger account. I wouldn't mind if you put something up once in a while; you might as well. We could be the (self-proclaimed) kings of the internet within 2 weeks!
11 comments:
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're the reason the dinosaurs died out.
Because you were the second shooter on the grassy knoll.
You're the reason Abe Lincoln is dead.
You were born.
Cancer is incurable because of you.
Because no one likes a smart arse (ie, you).
Because you're fat.
Your mum.
Because you started the Holocaust.
Because Simon said.
The list, quite surprisingly, goes on...
THE INTERNET HAS ANSWERED.
Spoken by Stephen Crushtor on behalf of the internet, bitch.
/me claps
I bow.
Y'see, now I'm just trying to impress all your exes. If they're not good enough for you, then by rational argument, they're good enough for me.
Seriously, though, when do I get to write stories for your website? People want to hear the shit I've got to say about chickens. I've worked out the rules for naming chickens. This is pretty critical shit.
lol! Well, maybe you could become a guest blogger. You need to get a Blogger account though and set it all up. I dunno how to do that though.
What's this "maybe" crap?
And I'm not making some Blogger thingy for the government to track me. Oh no sir! I was thinking of writing stuff down on pieces of scrap paper I find around restaurants and sending them to you through the mail. Then you can play "editor" and transcribe my handwriting into computer text. Then you publish it BUT you have to say: "This was written by Stephen" - I will NOT tolerate theft of my intellectual property.
The first article is in the mail already. It is about chickens and the troubles of travelling northern Europe without valid identification. It's semi-autobiographically true. You'd like it.
Happy New Year, pork chop.
(But on a serious note: you can actually have guest bloggers? Should I make a blogger account so I can be your weekly Tuesday?)
Oh it'd actually be pretty fuckin' sweet.
I can see it now:
The Weekly Tuesday, with Stephen of Crushtor
Episode 1: Do Not Bend - the trials of irrelevant annoyances
Outline: it'll start off with a relatable rant about the petty annoyances that shit us as cynical people, and end in a philosophical proposition about the nature of people and challenge current sociological constructs. It'll end with a simple, yet provocative, question to open a dialogue of discussion and/or healthy argument.
Never again will you be on the Top 100 for fuckin' golf. People will actually care (thanks to me)!
Haha, and you called me a wanker. :P
You can make a blogger account. I wouldn't mind if you put something up once in a while; you might as well. We could be the (self-proclaimed) kings of the internet within 2 weeks!
I would never say such a hurtful thing about you.
What's this we business? Everyone knows I am the reason people read your blog.
Maybe I'll do my own and it'll be BETTER AND MORE COLOURFUL.
Speaking of colour; your lack of colour in your blog suggests you are racist.
Why do you hate so much? Why the racism? I mean, like, holy shit...
You, sir, are a pheasant and a king!
(ok in actual all fairness I'm mildly drunk)
Oh wow... that's just embarrassing, really, isn't it?
Now I feel like a nigel...
Please don't think less of me because I occasionally have a drink of alcohol.
Post a Comment