Taking Back the Flank

"There's no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
There's nothing to keep me sane
and it's all the same to you
There's nowhere to set my aim
so I'm everywhere
Never come near me again
do you really think I need you?"

- Dream Theater - Space-Dye Vest

I remember a great man once said that boredom is a state of suspense. Its that latent craving for action in the midst of nothing happening. It also brings to mind a great scene from the brilliant comedy Spaced, in which Daisy wants to pen an article about whether inactivity breeds lethargy and at the end, she says she can't be bothered. When nothing happening becomes chronic, it becomes almost normal. The motivation to grow and work and promise things just sort of drains away. Applying for jobs, being knocked back time and again is a blow to the ego, but its something that everyone has to endure at some point in their lives. Nothing special there. So what can be done? Like the song says, there's nowhere to set my aim, so I'm everywhere. But what about somewhere specific?

One day, I was looking through postgraduate courses for media and communication, so I applied for as many that might take me. The man who loathed almost every moment of his undergraduate degree wants to go back to Uni to do a masters. But I know what I want now - I have something concrete to aim for, probably for the first time. Well, that's not completely true. But it's a plan; something I'm not usually partial on making but have now committed myself to nonetheless. Here's hoping things look up. I can safely say that there's a light at the tunnel of this, my darkest hour - a fact I was reluctant to even acknowledge only a few short weeks ago.